I never disagree with someone else’s opinion unless I understand their side better than they do – Charlie Munger
We all hold opinions; it’s part of human nature. We hold these opinions as part of our identity. But other people hold different opinions, and conflict arises when they clash. But what if, instead of conflict, there was curiosity? Instead of shooting people down or convincing them otherwise, what if you sought understanding? People don’t just dream up their opinions; they have reasons for believing what they believe. Your job is to understand it.
Sometimes I run thought experiments in my head about how the world would look if certain nuggets of wisdom were the norm. This one is powerful. Imagine a world where for every opinion someone held, they understood the opposite viewpoint better. Imagine a world where people didn’t disagree until they were sure they had full understanding. It’s an oversimplification of all the world’s problems into this simple act of understanding, but I’m confident it would help.
The ‘normal’ way to tackle differing opinions is to show why you are right. “The other person is stupid because they don’t understand what I’m saying; therefore, I must shout louder”. A successful outcome is “I’m right and you’re wrong” instead of “we both learned something and moved forward”. One of the most demotivating things that can happen is to feel you’re not being listened to, yet this is all this line of reasoning does.
Instead, seek to understand. Approach a differing of opinion with curiosity. Let’s follow this through with a tangible example, and not to get too political with my writing, it’s just a great example. Many of you reading will have a political affiliation. Left, right, center? I don’t care for the specifics. Whichever way you lean, though, ask yourself:
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What are the reasons for not supporting them?
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Do you understand why you support them?
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Do you support them because it’s what you believe, or because you saw an inflammatory, algorithmically vomited video on social media?
Politics is a pretty inflammatory topic, but you can apply this same thinking anywhere. In your relationships, maybe your spouse/parent/sibling wants to do something one way, and you think it would work better in a different way. Don’t defend your path. Try to understand why they think their way will work. It will surprise you how often you are wrong!
It’s a tricky thing to do, but if you can optimise for curiosity and understanding, believe me, your personal relationships will be better for it. And whilst it might not solve all the world’s problems, you can do your bit to make the world a more understanding place.
James